my summer solstice
It was 4 am and still she was awake. She was starry-eyed, but not because she couldnt sleep. She was trying hard to fight back the dew drops falling down her cheek. Everything was throbbing.. body, heart and mind.
He juz closed the door, and her heart smashed in it.
She dint know what to feel.
Disoriented, she fidgets for her phone. Stares at it, then decides to shut it off instead. She wakes up few hours, pillow drenched… with a real bad headache. Shes gonna party today shesays. Being alone and unattached aint that bad. Yet when the music started playin,she hears one of their so many songs, and alas, she cries. She couldnt believe she still had tears left.
It was all going back to her. how he systematically turned her life around with his presence,how his voice intoxicated her. Clinging on to whats left of her hear life,she shuts those visions off. Enough. But she knew that the person she was tryin to ferget was the only one she needed to ease the pain.
Perhaps erything wasnt as cosmic as she thought after all.

She wanted to look for sumone to blame but she knew too well that she wont find anyone.
She crafted her own sweet suicide. And yet amidst of it all,she still craves being lost in his arms. The only choice should be to flatiron all hopes of bali until she was numb. If only she can unlearn loving him, she would. Then later on perhaps she can unlearn how to cry, how to block the visions of their hands entertwined, how to numb her skin from reliving the feel of his touch, the warmth of his breath, the comfort of his arms.
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